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On my professional blog I often discuss the concept that all marketing, but especially social media marketing is in most cases successful when it leverages our human need for validation. Whatever form that validation takes is irrelevant, but almost  our entire existence as humans is based on that need. We are continually fighting to establish our existence and value in the shallow world that surrounds us. Ours brains/egos want to establish validity and seek validity constantly, because the alternative means that we are no longer the “individuals” we thought we were.

• Jobs
• Homes
• Cars
• Money
• Stardom
• Friendship
• Popularity
• Belittlement
• Abuse
• Pain
• Suffering
• Depression
• Happiness
• Sadness
• Perfection
• Power
• Superiority
• Love
• Marriage
• Divorce
• Identity
• Peace
• Belonging
• Children
• Status
• Grief
• Entertainment
• Cookies
• Drugs
• Toys
• Freedom
• Office
• Privacy
• ……

Freedom from me is God.

EVERYTHING we seek is the source of ALL of our pain.

Every time you see it as or after you do it, you kill a little bit of you.

Kill you

Kill me

Be

Don’t ever fight the desire, see the desire and validate validate validate until you die too

Recently was reading(listening to) A Course In Miracles and a line about living through forgiveness really struck me and applied forgiveness to every interaction I had with others when I remembered to apply it. Of course, the more I did it the more second nature it became and I was astounded by the results.

When you live in forgiveness, you never have to apologize.

At first blush this concept sounds a bit holier than thou, but in fact it’s the farthest thing from it. Forgiving everyone before they even speak or whatever they may speak or do unsettles the ego and the mind and takes it out of defensiveness and prevents you from getting your back up. When you forgive someone deeply and completely over and over again, then when they say or do things that would normally set you off, not only does it prevent the trigger in you mind from being triggered, but it makes you see and watch your thoughts more closely as they happen. It allows you to watch your thoughts more rapidly and conscientiously, which ultimately means genuine mindfulness.

When you live forgiveness, then you live in peace.

This doesn’t mean you have to tell anyone that you forgive them. To the contrary, it would be self serving to do so and would also create strife. It’s a very simple matter of reminding yourself, that as you speak to this person, that you automatically forgive them for anything they may say or do that might offend you, hurt you, bother you, or annoy you. For some folks, you have to repeat the mantra of I forgive Sam(my friend) over and over. For others, it comes naturally and rapidly.

What’s amazing is how peacefully people respond to you and how much more you get from life and your relationships with friends and un-friends when you’ve already forgiven them. Not only does it advance your mindfulness practice in a rapid fashion, but it improves their life too. When you aren’t responding negatively to anything someone says then you reduce their propensity to do the same.

Give it a try today. Pick one person or everyone you meet and give yourself the gift of forgiving them no matter what they do, BEFORE they do it.

While trying to get my 4 year old son to sleep last night he said something that warms a mindful daddy’s heart; “Daddy, I want to go to sleep, but my mind won’t shut up”. Other parents might be alarmed that this points to some psychological issue, but that’s because they can’t see the wakefulness in this statement, because they long ago lost sight of the fact that they are not their thoughts or their minds.

I said, “I know what you mean, but there is one thing I want you to know if you don’t remember anything else I ever tell you and that is that you are not your mind. You are separate and don’t have to be controlled by it. You are not your thoughts.”

I sat quietly as he let his mind eventually quiet down and sleep, happy knowing that at 4 there is still a separation to be recognized.

As you progress things begin to dawn on you that never did before.

Time will be the death of us all.

Maybe my binge drinking alcoholic uncle is actually trying to kill “the self” and not himself, his identity or physical self. It’s doubtful, but possible. What is more likely is that he’s trying to escape the same suffering we all experience, but using his mechanism of choice. Unfortunately his choice kills him and all those around him, by slowly destroying our will to care.

The really interesting thing about my uncle is that he’s studied Buddhism. He even had to detox once in a Buddhist monastery, but he still is fast asleep.

I often find myself thinking of ways to user Buddhism to solve problems I encounter in my life or for others, but its not something you can apply to someone. The very act of thinking about it means I’ve already defeated my purpose.

Slowing things down.

One aspect of awakening is that you mind less waiting for things or taking a longer route. You still get impatient and annoyed, but you can see that emotion, watch it and it then disappears and you are free to live in the moment. Its almost like you become two people and one is observing the other and providing guidance to peace. Essentially though, the ego is dissolving or lessening its grip or hold on you.

I recently received an email from a reader that I felt needed a long and thoughtful response, but instead I ran out of time and did a half response, but still feel Ike it’s important to publish. Here is her original email and my response:

My mind has a mind of its own. I seriously wonder if I am mentally ill. Is there just one practice you could give me to help my rangle my mind and practice mindfulness? It would have to be fairly simple because this is really hard for me. Any help you could offer me would be greatly appreciated. I thank you sir.

Dear Tracy,

I was hoping to provide a more detailed reply, but that will have to
wait. As they say, this is the response we have so its the response we
are supposed to have. I’ll send and post a longer response later on
this great question.

If you are having severe mental issues or depression, then you should
see a medical professional, because I am not one and can only tell you
what made me feel better, but I do not have experience or skills with
those types of issues and no one is going to license me to provide
medical advice.

I found this path, because my life always seemed to be missing
something, but I couldn’t identify what it was. For me it started with
Buddhism, but millions of people realize the power of mindfulness on
their own and through a multitude of ways. The interesting thing
though is that most people end up seeing mindfulness, because of a
similar “craziness” to what you are feeling. We think we are missing
something or need something when wholeness and happiness are within us
already.

The important thing to understand is that for awhile you won’t
understand. For awhile things can seem overwhelming and difficult,
because the objective of mindfulness is to reduce thinking. Yes, I
know that seems even more difficult to grasp, but it will come with
time.

Here’s how I got started:

1. I read and reread a lot of great books on mindfulness and buddhism.
Buddhism Plain and Simple By Steve Hagen
Buddhism Isn’t What You Think By Steve Hagen
The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle
A New Earth by Eckhart
Loving What Is by Byron Katie (http://thework.com)

2. I learned and practiced a simple Meditation and I practiced it as
often as I could when I was in a quiet place and when I was not. It
can feel incredibly difficult, but there is no right or wrong
meditation. I simply count my breaths up to 10 and then count my
breaths down to 1. I usually use other simple words beyond counting
like “breathing in, i know i am happy”, but just counting is fine.

Breathing in 1, Breathing out 1
Breathing in 2, Breathing out 2
.
.
.
Breathing in 10, Breathing out 10
Breathing in 9, Breathing out 9

When your mind is out of control, this is a great way to slow it down
or stop it.

3. Finally, I just observe my thoughts. The more you think the less
happy and content you are. If you just see your thoughts and observe
them, then you will slow things down a bit. This is not about judging
your thoughts nor is it about stopping thoughts. Just let your
thoughts be. Let them appear and let them disappear. Think of it like
watching soap bubbles that float by you and then pop and disappear.
What’s amazing is that you realize there is a “you” that is beyond
your thoughts. As you do it more and more, you will catch yourself
laughing at the things you think and how your mind works.

Those are some quick suggestions, that I am sure will also be
confusing. They were for me. If there is anything I can suggest it’s
to stop trying to get to happiness and just be where you are. Accept
what comes into your life and you will be amazed at what your life can
be.

Hope this helps. More on this later and please feel free to write back
with questions or concerns. You will likely have dozens of moments
where you “think” “Thats ridiculous” and that’s fine, but i hope
you’ll stick with it.

I know things are changing for me in terms of mindfulness when I can watch an entire interview with George Bush and not be angry and not be upset and just hear him, hear his mind, hear his ego and occasionally even see a trace of mindfulness. It’s fascinating to see how my mind and ego are changing and taking a backseat to mindfulness. It’s truly amazing thing considering I’ve spent most of my life angry about people in politics.

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Tonight I watched the movie Kite Runner. It is a fantastic piece of film making, storytelling, and heart wrenching about a boy of privilege that flees with his father when the Soviets invade. More importantly though, it is a story of morality and the value of life and living for now.

At one point, the boy tells his father that the Mullahs say he will be judged at his death for drinking. That it is a sin. His father responds with the very essence of our existence but an essence beyond the obvious meaning of the words…

“There is only one sin, only one. And that is theft. Every other sin is a variation of theft… When you kill a man, you steal a life. You steal his wife’s right to a husband, rob his children of a father. When you tell a lie, you steal someone’s right to the truth. When you cheat, you steal the right to fairness.”

The obvious truth in that statement is that all sin truly is about theft, but it also points to a deeper truth and that is when someone dies the impact is not upon the dead person, but only upon the living left behind that grieve over the death and that the other sins of theft are all about our perceptions of having, holding, and loss. The core of the current “spiritual norm” is that all sin is based upon what we lose as a result of the person’s sinning, but when you really shine a light upon it its about our perceived loss..that isn’t real.

There is no sin if we don’t perceive the loss and our existence as separate selves isn’t real, so sin isn’t either. How can we perceive loss if our self can’t truly lose?

We seem destined to perpetuate misery in endless cycles of ridiculous mass behavior. Huh?

On the smaller scale, my parents spent their life working hard to make life better for us. I in turn am working hard to make life better for my kids. They in turn will work their asses off to make life better for their kids and so on and so on and so on Ad Nausea . What a mess. We all life miserably, because conceivably, our purpose is to make life better for the next generation and in the end NO ONE IS TRULY HAPPY and we perpetuate a myth that somehow those things we want our kids to attain will equal their happiness.  The American dream or ideal is just an idea. It doesn’t exist and it is unattainable because you cannot attain what is, only realize what you already have/are.

The same cycles apply to our countries, companies, and everything else in our existence. As we get caught up in our personal cycles and beliefs, we continue to perpetuate more cycles and that feed upon each other.

The great news though is that we can break all the cycles.  Simple attention to NOW through a variety of techniques makes it possible for anyone to experience cyclelessness. The question becomes whether we can create enough nothingness to actually overcome the inertia of our global and local cycles.

If everyday as you embark upon the necessary cycles that make up your life in order to live, observe the silly cycles. Think about what your company sells or does and how it came about that someone thought that they needed whatever it is and realize, that what you offer really wasn’t necessary at all. Carry it down to the next level and look at the job you do and the role you fulfill in your firm. When you examine and observe without judgement, its possible to begin triggering your mindfulness, by seeing what you thought was so important, really isn’t. Even the President of The United States could practice this and observe the insanity over which he presides. When you break down each task and responsibility into minute pieces, you begin to realize that each of us is looped into cycles of silliness.

My mission is to practice awareness and now enough to break the cycles for me an every connection I have to humans in my life. By meditating, observing, and dampering thought, it is more than possible to break our cycles.

Image by Shelli Akers via Flickr

We spend an inordinate amount of our lives preparing for our doneness. Its that time when we are ready and complete and our lives are happy and whole. For some reason, we think that this state exists in the normal realm of jobs, family, life, hassles, etc. and that when we have the right job, salary, house, etc. all will be fandoosical, despite the fact that we know of no one on the planet for whom it has worked that way… ever!

There’s delusion on the scale of I don’t think my wife would ever cheat on me and then there’s mass delusion, that is beyond comprehension. We keep doing the same shit over and over and over and over and over again and don’t understand why nothing changes. Billions of folks live their lives in abject misery, yet they still continue to strive for the stuff or the situation, that will make them whole and lead them to nirvana.

Silly rabbit, thats not the deal. The deal is we ain’t got no thing and we never will, unless we start accepting and embracing what is. We usually think when we hear something like that, that it means we can just cope with the negative and the fun stuff will still be here and we’ll reach true nirvana, because we accepted the bad and celebrated the good. There’s nothing to say we can’t celebrate the good, but until we embrace the fact that all joy is temporary or better yet, isn’t real, then there’s not a lot of point.

The cure for delusion is embracing, observing, and celebrating now. Once we start truly doing that, then all the other pieces can fall into place and expectations disappear.

Observe now.

Observe your mind.

Observe your silly thoughts and see them as silly, not bad or good just silly.